Uncle Answers 2

Dear Uncle Answers,

My life is made a misery by spots and marks. I have tried all sorts of things to prevent or get rid of these ugly eyesores but to no avail. Please can you help me get rid of these embarrassment?


Dear Muldoon,

The first thing is cleanliness. Clean all the troubles area with a reputable product but try to avoid the use of abrasives as these aggravate the trouble. After thoroughly washing use a good metal polish or in necessary coat with a clear lacquer to prevent a repeat of corrosion. If the trouble is very severe it may be necessary to have the parts re-plated. See a specialist.

Dear Uncle Answers,

At this time of year I am trouble by flies. They seem so big and I have been got into trouble by them before. Maybe it's a phobia but they seem to have something evil behind them.

Miss Cynthia Anderson.

Dear Cyn.

I know just what you mean. Have you tried stuffing a couple of bits of foam rubber up your hat. This stops the flies from getting into your ears and hair. For eye protection you need a pair of goggles or a visor if you do not have a screen.

Dear Uncle Answers,

My neighbour is threatening to go to the police about interference. I took a firm line and told her I would deny everything but she is very upset and may carry out her threat. Should I try bribery?

Danny Zupp.

Dear Dan,

While I endorse a softer approach to the situation I cannot encourage bribery as it only treats the symptoms. I am not well versed in the legalities associated with interference but it sounds more like a job for the G.P.O. than the police. First thing to do is fit an effective suppressor.

Dear Uncle Answers,

At the moment I am going about with a 16 year old. She's a game little job most of the time except when we get really alone. The she usually lets me down and it isn't very often that I get far with her at all. I've told the lads and they say I must be going too fast. Am I expecting too much?


Dear Randy,

You did not give the capacity but whatever it is you cannot expect her to give as much as a modern bike. Nevertheless, with proper maintenance it should remain reliable and if you ride with the Leicester Phoenix Motor-Cycle Club you won't be so put out by breakdowns.

Dear Uncle Answers,

None of the girls that I go out with seem to want a second date even though I always let them help me to de-coke by bike. I talk to them for hours on the subject of torque/power theories and I even let one girl have a look inside my gearbox. I can't think what I do wrong. Can it be the hair oil that I use?

M.S. Little-Merge-In-The-Mud.

Dear M.S.,

This sounds like clutch trouble. I'll send you, under plain cover, a little Haynes book telling you a few things you ought to know.

Dear Uncle Answers,

None of the boys at the cafe will be mates with me any more. I put clip-ons on my front fork an' got a TT carb an' a leather jacket with an eagle on it just like them but they still don't like me. Is there anything else I can do to my scooter to win their approval?

B.T. London.

Dear B.T.

Have you tried burning it?

If you have a special problem which need airing, write it on a postcard and send it to Uncle Answers.

The Megaphone is not responsible for any accidents or law suits resulting from advice taken from this column.